Raise your hand if you enjoy feeling neglect. What? No hands? Now, raise your hand if you avoid feeling neglect. Ooh, I see a few hands now, mine included.

Neglect is a good disguise artist. It might look like people-pleasing, numbness, or even over-achievement. When I feel this emotion, I often feel unseen, which can lead to craving emotional nourishment. Sometimes it causes me to dim my light so that I can (in my mind) go unnoticed. Other times, it’s like an invisible roommate. You know, when someone is physically present but emotionally on vacation.

What’s a person to do with neglect? What does it mean? Sometimes, I think it is our need for connection screaming for attention. Other times, we run away to avoid feeling disappointed or feeling left out. In each case, it seems neglect is tapping us on the shoulder saying, “Hey, you deserve to be seen and acknowledged.” That’s a good thing, isn’t it? If neglect wants us to feel connected or cared for, why does it feel so yucky?

I think our emotions scream sometimes to get our attention. It doesn’t always feel good, but once we understand what our feelings are showing us, it gives us momentum to step forward and care about ourselves. It’s okay to acknowledge feeling neglect and honoring yourself with a long look in the mirror with “I see you; I love you; I matter” dialog. (Listen to yourself; you are far wiser than you can even imagine.)

Here’s another one (or two). Reignite your light and nurture your desire to connect with people who see you. (Sometimes we need to seek mirrors that recognize us.) Make space for things that delight and inspire you. Offer yourself the attention you crave from others.

Instead of getting wrapped up in fear about feeling neglected, imagine that it’s an invitation for you to care for yourself (and others). It feels less intimidating with that lens. The key is listening to your feelings and understanding their innate desire to help you. I see your light. I love how you shine. Thank you, neglect, for stopping in to say hello.

Explore more feelings in the Stayin’ in Touch – Negative Emotions book. You can play with them when or wherever you like.

Image by Goran Horvat from Pixabay