‘You are here: I’m there with you’ is a phrase I’ve coined in my personal journey around caregiving for an aging parent. It’s easy when caring for a loved one with memory loss to get frustrated with the changes we see and experience. In my personal experience, the dad I used to know and remember shifts into someone different. Some days he seems like a completely different person. Oi! What’s a person to do with that?

The more I try to help him remember, the more frustrated he becomes. The more frustrated he becomes, the more I slip into my brand of frustration. Nope! Not the way I want to spend time with my dad. Perhaps it’s time for me to adjust my expectations.

What to Do About That

In my case, Dad seems to have a pretty clear understanding that he doesn’t remember things like he used to. I’m so grateful he is still self-aware! Now, from my side of things… I can change how I respond and notice. I start by understanding him where he is, without expecting him to be different. See, there is wisdom in being emotionally aware. When I start from where he is, then I can be with him, and we can go from there. It’s all perfect, just as it is. He can be who he is right now, and I can still love him, feel inspired by him, and we can share life together.

Some things to remember when dealing with these changes:
– Keep their environment simple
– Acknowledge their emotions and engage them in conversations and activities that bring them joy
– Focus on the present moment instead of trying to ‘fix’ their memory
– Help redirect their attention to stories or activities they find comforting
– Have conversations about their care or condition in areas out of their earshot

You are here, and I’m here with you. It’s easy to say and sometimes hard to do. Leave your agendas at the door and allow yourself to be with them wherever they are. It’s a powerful thing and makes the time you spend with your loved ones so much richer.

Image by alessandra barbieri from Pixabay