Where’s Mom and Dad When I Want Them?
Where’s Mom and Dad when I want them? And why can’t they give me what I’m looking for? When I was in the throes of trauma recovery, I had an image in my mind about the support I was looking for from my parents. (Note: I was a teenager.) It seemed when I opened doors for them to step through (on my terms), one of them invariably slammed the door smack dab in my face. Ouch!
My teenage brain and emotions swirled in a foreboding darkness when that happened. I felt betrayed, hurt, and misunderstood. What’s going on here? These are my parents! Why can’t they…? This firestorm hurled at me more times than I wanted to count. I wanted to believe the image of support I thought I wanted from parents was just around the corner, and it would turn up the next time. That belief met with disappointment time after time.
Fast forward a few years to a time when I got a little older and understood more about people and relationship dynamics. Someone suggested that perhaps my ‘disappointing parent’ was not in a place to give me what I was expecting him/her to offer. The idea shared with me was a consideration I never thought about. Perhaps I could get what I was looking for in someone else; maybe even someone not related to me. What an eye-opening thought.
It never occurred to me to look for what I wanted from someone else! Behold! When I opened my circle of possibilities, I found other people who could offer what I sought. That experience led me to a path of grace that turned my relationship with the ‘offending parent’ into one of acceptance and peace. I discovered a new way to love what I was born into, and that saved my relationship with my parental unit.
Sometimes we don’t get what we’re expecting from the people in our family. They are each individual with their own path of growth, and they might not always be in the best place to offer what I’m looking for. But hey, I know some other people who are in a place to walk with me. Revolutionary! It was life-saving for me to grasp this idea and move forward. This freedom allowed my beautiful family to stay intact. Maybe this idea can help you on your own journey.