Is it a thorn or a rose? When you see the flower we call roses, what do you see? Do you see one or the other, the rose or the thorn, or do you see the beauty of both? What do roses teach us about ourselves?
When I see roses, I see the rose part first. The beauty is what I see first. I smell its inviting fragrance, and I see tender delicate petals and experience the color bursting forth from its bud. I want to experience the flower fully, so I pull it toward my nose and suddenly realize my touch requires some deliberate, careful handling. As the rose produces its sharp barb to protect itself, I too want to protect my fingers from the rose’s pointed thorns. Would that rose be what it is without either its thorns or its magnificent bud?
It may seem like a worn out thought, living in the moment, but there’s something wise and profound about that idea. The hours I’ve spent living for a moment instead of in the moment are too numerous to count. I wonder how much I could have accomplished if I allowed myself to be in the moment instead of wishing for another one.
Where’s Mom and Dad when I want them? And why can’t they give me what I’m looking for? When I was in the throes of trauma recovery, I had an image in my mind about the support I was looking for from my parents. (Note: I was a teenager.) It seemed when I opened doors for them to step through (on my terms), one of them invariably slammed the door smack dab in my face. Ouch!
Mood swings and trauma recovery are a real thing. Sometimes the world seems as right as rain. Then there are those times when our internal world struggles to make a smile come out. Kind, supportive thoughts seem elusive. This is a natural momentum. Emotions feel like they are swinging up and down. Have you ever experienced that?
Let’s talk about relationship dynamics when it’s hard to trust. This applies to friends and family for sure, but I’m drawing this point more narrowly to spouse or partner relationships.
You find your ‘one.’ You tie the knot. In the beginning, it feels like you have every reason to trust that you’re going to be respected. You trust the other person to hold you dear in your most vulnerable moments. Then something happens and that ‘all-in’ trust comes into question. Maybe your definition of what it means to trust someone differs from the other person’s idea of trust. Whatever the cause and wherever you are in your trust-o-meter, trust between you and your ‘one true love’ changes and you question your choices.
There’s physical weakness and there’s feeling emotionally weak. You guessed it, I’m talking about emotionally feeling weak. I’m in that club of people who feel like I need to be strong all the time. However, I learning to embrace my perceived weaknesses in a way that emphasizes my strengths. Oh boy. Here we go!
First, let me say that feeling weak from time to time doesn’t define you as a weak person. (Note to self.) Perhaps it is an invitation to deepen a relationship by reaching out for a hand to hold, or a shoulder to cry on. Or maybe it’s an opportunity for me to let the walls fall away and be present in the moment. As corny as it sounds, feeling weak can also be a strength, especially when we can see it, name it, and feel it. When I see it, it helps me figure out the best way to deal with it. Maybe that means taking a nap, going for a walk, or simply holding myself tenderly for a moment.
Watch out for the sweet spot! Maybe yours is finding the perfect place on the head of a golf club to smack that little white ball into the playing field. Or maybe you’re having a conversation and the perfect timing happens for you to say something. Oh, then there’s a spot in nature that’s just right for hanging a hammock. (If you’re unaware, I live for hammock moments!) The sweet spot!
What is it about finding the right spot on a calendar? It works for you; it works for them, and everyone seems to be happy. Okay. Dinner is at 6:30 on Thursday. Perfect.
Now that my memoir, Invisible Wounds: An Inside Story, is published, amazing connections are coming out of the woodwork. It’s scary to write a story about the most horrific thing that happened to me. Some people I know are aware of this story, and others are not. I didn’t know how my friends and family would respond to me after sharing so vulnerably about this trauma.
I often talk about how vulnerability is a vehicle for making deeper connections with people. People are writing and sharing their experiences with me after reading this book. That is so encouraging! The subject of kidnap and rape is a fearful topic for some. Everyone is going to react to such a story differently. It’s a vile topic and one that many people are afraid to talk about. I found, in my experience, that some people responded more favorably than others. That said, I stand firm in realizing this topic is something that needs airtime.
Here’s the rub: it’s all good. I admire those who stay silent, find a few disagreements, and open their hearts to share, so we can celebrate our lives. It’s all real, and it’s all good. What? Even the disagreements are good? Yes, those. Each person has a right to feel what they are going to feel. It’s all part of the emotional colors that make up the canvases of our lives. I’m secure enough about who I am that disagreements can be present without affecting my big amazing.
Thank you! For those who’ve read this book, thank you for taking the time to read this story. Thank you for finding your own words, experiences, and especially your will to grow and thrive. The amazing power of our collective human spirits is alive and well. Let’s bravely share our stories and find deeper connections with one another. I’m glad you are here.
Did you notice the moment the sleeping grass woke up and turned green? Maybe you noticed a daffodil emerging through the warming earth. While you were busy cleaning the dishes or writing that memo, a squirrel dropped by, looking for a morsel of goodness. Did you see that little fella?
Maybe you noticed something new growing on your body. Did you know your ears and nose never stop growing? Or maybe a freckle happened in a place you’ve never had one before. I stepped outside to snatch up a breath of fresh air and sunshine and noticed the lizards were back, looking for delicious bugs to consume. Oh, and there’s a bunny, back for more backyard adventures.
Happy New Year and here’s to new intentions for making life what we want it to be in 2024! So, do you set some resolutions? I go for intentions just because I’m weird that way. There’s something about setting an intention that feels like spending my energy creating what I want in life.
There’s an interesting energy during the holiday season. The year is winding down, we’re arranging adventures with family and friends, and people are eager for some time off from their regular work routines. We decorate our living and work spaces and we extend ourselves in ways that are outside of the day-to-day wheelhouse. With a new year approaching, we’re daydreaming about our ambitions for the coming year and setting intentions. It’s just different from other times during the year.
This energy feels like a percolating sea of possibility. It’s interesting to dive into that sea and let my heart do the driving. It opens me up to think about things I think I want, as well as things I don’t know, yet, that I want.
