I never saw that coming! Have you ever felt that way? It’s not a comfortable topic, but one, as human beings, we will experience at least once in our lifetime. It happens with a best friend, a spouse, and sometimes with a family member or trusted colleague.

The amount of trust shared often governs relationships with people. There is an expectation present that the person will behave or speak to you in a certain way that is amicable for both parties. Now the tricky part. When someone in your circle of trusted people (friends, family, colleagues, or spouses) does something (action or words, or the lack thereof) that feels like a betrayal to your very core. You’re left feeling shocked, heartbroken, or at the very least disappointed.

When this happens, the trust you experience in the relationship changes. That change is sometimes slight, but frequently is drastic.

Okay, so it happened. There’s no denying it. It’s real. Now what do you do with it? How does it change your relationship with the other person? Again, sometimes it is a slight change, and other times it is a profound change. The hard part is integrating that experience into your historical library with the person, and now you are in a place of choice.

The choice leads you to a point of forgiveness and second (or third) chances, or perhaps even to a point where you sever the relationship. Maybe you simply change how you relate to the person. All these big emotions, decisions, and dynamics are part of the dance that happens when you never saw that coming. We each make our own choices about how to manage it once it’s said and done. There is also a circumstantial component that plays into how you respond or react to the event in question. Oh my! This feels enormous!

The personal power we have in a situation such as this is our choice. It is appropriate and important to understand your feelings about it. It is part of the dance. Give yourself credit for recognizing the feelings, and then remember you always have a choice to act or react in a manner that takes care of you. Sometimes ‘I never saw that coming’ is an invitation for us to examine what is useful in our lives. Maybe it even provides an opportunity for growth. That’s a good thing, even though it might seem like the crux of a tidal wave.

Did you see this coming? (She smiles encouragingly.)

Continue Reading