I never saw that coming! Have you ever felt that way? It’s not a comfortable topic, but one, as human beings, we will experience at least once in our lifetime. It happens with a best friend, a spouse, and sometimes with a family member or trusted colleague.
The amount of trust shared often governs relationships with people. There is an expectation present that the person will behave or speak to you in a certain way that is amicable for both parties. Now the tricky part. When someone in your circle of trusted people (friends, family, colleagues, or spouses) does something (action or words, or the lack thereof) that feels like a betrayal to your very core. You’re left feeling shocked, heartbroken, or at the very least disappointed.
When this happens, the trust you experience in the relationship changes. That change is sometimes slight, but frequently is drastic.
Okay, so it happened. There’s no denying it. It’s real. Now what do you do with it? How does it change your relationship with the other person? Again, sometimes it is a slight change, and other times it is a profound change. The hard part is integrating that experience into your historical library with the person, and now you are in a place of choice.
The choice leads you to a point of forgiveness and second (or third) chances, or perhaps even to a point where you sever the relationship. Maybe you simply change how you relate to the person. All these big emotions, decisions, and dynamics are part of the dance that happens when you never saw that coming. We each make our own choices about how to manage it once it’s said and done. There is also a circumstantial component that plays into how you respond or react to the event in question. Oh my! This feels enormous!
The personal power we have in a situation such as this is our choice. It is appropriate and important to understand your feelings about it. It is part of the dance. Give yourself credit for recognizing the feelings, and then remember you always have a choice to act or react in a manner that takes care of you. Sometimes ‘I never saw that coming’ is an invitation for us to examine what is useful in our lives. Maybe it even provides an opportunity for growth. That’s a good thing, even though it might seem like the crux of a tidal wave.
Did you see this coming? (She smiles encouragingly.)
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Jealousy, to me, looks like a cowering posture that says “I’m inadequate”, or “I’m doing something wrong”, or “I’m less than in some capacity”. What does it look like to you? Perhaps it comes in shades of green, like envy. Do you ever feel jealous about someone traveling to a destination where you’d like to go? Or, maybe your jealousy looks like wanting an article of clothing for yourself that someone else has.
I feel Jealousy in my arms and shoulders. They feel like they have to protect me somehow from the comparison of myself to someone else or my actions to someone else’s actions. Jealously feels like I’m not enough. Perhaps someone is sharing about a spectacular trip to a place I long to experience myself. It is easy for me to retort, “I’m so jealous!” But what does that mean?
Sure, it could look like wanting something for yourself that you see in someone else. That is not a bad thing. Is jealousy bad? Or is it an invitation to set a goal for yourself? I think when we live from a jealous perspective, that can be destructive. However, if we use it as a tool to explore, it can bring us gifts that otherwise go unnoticed.
I think Jealousy could function to remind me to take part in another person’s joy or excitement, instead of flogging myself about something that might be missing or somehow incomplete or feeble. When I recognize Jealousy, I can focus that on an opportunity to acknowledge greatness in another being, and see a piece of my greatness.
What is your jealousy all about? Show me a picture of what jealousy looks like to you. How does it feel? What is the gift of jealousy?
Our stories about our feelings make us deeply acquainted with who we are…
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When you think about Kindness, what does it look like? I see someone patiently helping an older person through a door. Picture someone who takes the time to say thank you or listens to you sincerely. Kindness looks like someone harvesting food for our grocery stores, and those who often thanklessly repair our roads.
When you experience Kindness, where do you feel it in your body? How does it smell, or what does it sound like? I feel Kindness in my chest and heart. Delivering or receiving Kindness warms my soul; my eyes and face smile. When I receive kindness, I feel love and care. When I exercise kindness, I feel generous and accepting. It feels like my heart is extending to someone else to touch another person soulfully.
Hmmm. Kindness functions to remind me how indelibly connected we are to each other, and nature. It is a vehicle for extending one heart to another. It is like a web of goodness that keeps our world a nice place to be. Imagine the earth being cradled in a hammock of comfort, care, and understanding. Imagine someone holding you in the open palms of their hands. Kindness generates energy for these images to come alive.
Upon receiving kindness, I have a natural tendency to want to respond in kind. When I deliver this goodness to others, my heart feels like a contributing member of a wholesome community. The warmth of kindness touches those who observe it, whether we are aware of its effects of it or not.
Welcome to the kindness party! (No invitations required.) Share how you experience kindness. What does it look like? How does it feel? When you feel kindness, how does it function in your universe? What is its gift?
Feelings define who we are and deserve recognition…
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When you feel Lonely, what does that look like? To me, it is like a crab burrowing in the sand, hiding from the world. It is like wrapping myself in a shroud that keeps me separate from the rest of the world. Sometimes the shroud looks like a shield as if it is protecting me from something, and other times it’s more like Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak – it keeps me hidden from view, but I can still see what’s going on around me.
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Life Gifts
- Sending you nourishing rest and mindful body care.
- Sending you oodles of energy noodles.
- I send you light to illuminate the places inside you that seem dark.
- Sending you a magical cool sheet to snuggle in and feel safe.
- I send you lush green mountain meadows splattered with wildflowers for you to rest and rejuvenate your soul.
- I send you healing, detoxifying energy as your body benefits and heals from your weekend massage.
- I send you soothing healing.
- I send you virtual blankets to keep you warm, and good thoughts that your electricity is soon restored.
- Sending you a luxury craft to drift in a while you regroup.
- Sending you magical lenses to sharpen your focus.
- I send you the lightest hint of lilac and a handful of petals.
- Sending you calm and peace.
- I send you quiet fields of lavender to enjoy soft, quiet moments.
- I send you fruit-full surprises in your journey.
- I send you glorious freedom to move your body and experience joy.
- I send you revolving hours of joy for writing about what you want to write about.
- I send you chortles, giggles and warm hugs.
- Sending you pillows of prosperity to share with yourself and others.
- Sending you bright colored paint for your life canvas.
- I send you succulent sweet chocolate kisses and delightfully warm hugs.
- Sending you willing, loving hearts and hands to help you.
- I send you permission to be exactly how you are today.
- I send you calm and gentle breezes wafting love and joy around you.
- Sending you flashlights for exploring your dark places.
- I send you moments of pause so that you can remember you are loved and cared for.
- I send you over-flowing cups of love to restore your heart and soul.
- I send you delicious moments filled with rare and marvelous accents that grow your heart.
- I send you different flavored lollipops to quench your craving.
- I send you calm as you step back into work from being off for a few weeks.
- Sending you giant pails of peace to spill or splash in.
- I send you healing energy as you mend your heart and body.
- I send you honor and respect as you navigate this wave in your life.
- I send you patience to allow new things to unfold positively for your life.
- Sending you the best of birthday wishes and some special binoculars for you to see all the puddles of goodness that follow you around and support you.
- I send you tender, loving arms to hold you in care and love.
- I send you delicious moments to remove clutter from your life.
- I send you a path of petals on which to tread as you navigate life.
- I send you fresh, crisp apple bites of life to bite into everyday.
- Sending you bursts of energy and focus.
- I send you buckets of bubbling, juicy kindness.
- I send you warm blankets to snuggle with as you sip warm tea and warm up your cold body.
- I send you a cuddly blanket of appreciation for the beautiful person you are in this world.
- I send you music to make your insides dance.
- I send you a warm, relaxing breeze, a comfortable hammock with sounds of water lapping on the shore.
- Sending you a perfect worry doll to manage your worries.
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